The flip side of him - not so positives

So here is the history of what we have been lately. He pays my bills, buys me whatever I need, fixes meals for me and my kids, stays the night 28/30 nights, diciplines my kids, praises them, and when he is here, we are an absolute picture perfect family (ok - minus the BS of my ex). Even he admits that. But...... he is not ready to make a committment. WHAT??? He finally admits we are in a relationship, but c'mon, I have kids to think about. He is absolutely their "step-dad", without the marriage. They trust him, they love him, they cry when he is not here, and he even goes as far as to come over at the drop of a hat, "just because the kids want him to be here" if it is a night he was planning on staying home. So I am conflicted as to what to do. Do I end the relationship part of things and just be friends? We have talked a lot about us and the future and what he wants. The problem is he always says "I don't know". He won't give me any straight answers. Also, he has a few online "girlfriends" (no sex, but definitely sex talk) that he opens up to. I have read some of his emails when I was snooping, and I am so pissed that he will open up to them about his feelings for me, but not to me. Although when he was confronted, he says it was just telling them what they wanted to hear, and that is not how he really feels. But anyone that he was honest with would think he was stupid for sticking around with me and supporting me and my kids. Great! That makes me feel so much better!!! To make things more confusing, I am in the process of finding a new house. My current landlord just had his house foreclosed on, and wants to move in here. So, I tell Drew and what does Drew say? He names off 5 options, of which 3 were us living together as a family. So, of course I assume that must be something he either wants, or atleast is strongly considering. Wrong! He makes this list of all these pros and cons why he should or should not live with us. Then he decides he is just not ready. I have to be honest and tell you that I feel like he is playing mind games with me. He has said he does not know if he will ever want to live with us, and the majority of the reason he is with me is out of obligation because he "convinced me" to leave my abusive marriage. Yes my marriage was bad. Yes I needed to get me and my kids out of there. Yes I am relieved every day to not be getting beaten up or burned. Yes, I will forever love Drew for his help. But for fucks sakes. Don't stay with me, and say you love me, and be a dad to my kids, out of obligation. How is what he is doing NOT emotionally abusive? Am I just really over sensitive? He did not even have the balls to tell me he did not want to live with us. He names off the options, and the pros and cons, and then says "so I don't know what to do and I have not made any decisions". Oh great. So he is sitting around thinking about how NOT to tell me, and in the meantime, my life is on hold. I don't know what size of a house to look for, or what location to look in. In my mind, he seemed to be wanting to be a family. So I was looking in his neghborhood and at places that had an office for him, and now I have to start all over again, looking for a place in my neighborhood, where the kids can stay in their same schools, and apparently does not need an office. How the fuck do we read men? They think women are hard to read? Atleast for the most part, we speak our minds. They may not like it, but we do. Atleast I do. It is frustrating, and irritating. I know a lot of you will say, just leave him, but c'mon - the sex is really really good. And..... that seems to be all he wants from me. (yeah, another negative) I wish he wanted more. Ok - I will make our sex life the next chapter. Everyone loves that subject :)

In the meantime, he came over last night, and made the comment that the kids ignored him. He had stayed home the night before, and I told him they do not understand why he is not here sometimes. (again, only about 2 nights a month does he stay home, so to the kids, he lives here) He said it was only one night. I said it may as well be a week. They don't understand why you choose to not be here some nights. His response - "well if a day is the same as a week, I may as well stay gone a week next time". I was mad and hurt and angry. I told him here are your keys, and there is the door. What else should I have said?
Am I doing harm to my kids by letting him be around so much when he has no idea what he wants? Am I just hoping for the impossible? I am open to advice readers. Tell me what you would do?

Thanks for reading. Too boring yet? There is plenty more to come.